


Make Me Love

by zeze_amoroso



Category: Golden Child (Korea Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Real World, FWB, Fic Fest, Friends With Benefits, I hope I did the pinning right, M/M, No explicit smut, fwb to couple, pinning, slight nsfw
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-06
Updated: 2021-01-06
Packaged: 2021-03-16 21:20:07
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 11,557
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28588659
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zeze_amoroso/pseuds/zeze_amoroso
Summary: Seungmin and Youngtaek are friends with benefits who never talk about their feelings. This changes when Youngtaek’s best friend tries to set him up with someone
Relationships: Bae Seungmin/Son Youngtaek | TAG
Comments: 3
Kudos: 31
Collections: Golden Age Fic Fest





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hello. This is my first time participating in a fic fest! I hope I did it well and that you will enjoy the story. To whoever made this prompt, I hope I did it justice and that you will like it. I tried my best, but it's my first time dwelling in this kinda concept.
> 
> Have fun reading!

Youngtaek lies on the bed, trying to regain his energy, hand on his stomach and the other hand is playing with Seungmin’s hair, who is lying on the other side of the bed. The smaller man fell asleep quickly after they finished, his breaths soft and quiet. 

Youngtaek has lost count of how many times they have met up, how many weekends they have just spent together in the bed touching each other. But that’s all they do. They both agreed that it would just be sex, whenever they wanted to meet up. Youngtaek barely knows anything about Seungmin outside of the small things he has mentioned. Most of the time it has been whenever he couldn’t meet up, a family excuse, classes overlapping, or when he has let out complaints about his everyday life. He just knows they go to the same university, where they met at a party.

His phone on the nightstand lights up. Youngtaek reaches out after it, checking the message from his roommate, asking him to bring back food for dinner. He sighs and ignores the text for a few minutes before answering. He doesn’t want to leave. Another rule they established; it’s fine to stay for the night. Youngtaek takes that option whenever he can.

But not tonight. He rolls over and kisses the man on the cheek and then his lips, waking him up. Seungmin’s hands wrap up around his arms as they continue to kiss for a short moment.

“I have to go,” Youngtaek says in between.

Seungmin goes quiet for a moment, just lying underneath him, looking into his eyes. 

“Okay,” he finally says. “Do you need anything for the trip home?”

Youngtaek shakes his head and lets go of the man, crawling out of the bed. 

“No, I’ll be fine. You go back to sleep, I just wanted to tell you.”

“If I sleep now, I will wake up way too early,” he says, sitting up, watching as Youngtaek gets dressed. “I suppose, then I have an excuse to call you.”

He says it with a smirk, a small glint in the eyes. Youngtaek can’t stop himself from smiling, looking down as he flusters, pretending to fix his belt.

“Can you slam the door after you, so it locks?” Seungmin asks.

“I will. I’ll see you later then. Have a good evening.”

Youngtaek doesn’t hear an answer as he walks through the small apartment, grabs his shoes, and leaves. He doesn’t know if he even wanted anything. These moments, the goodbyes are always awkward, he never knows how to properly say goodbye to a man he so casually sleeps with.

He knows Seungmin has been in a friend with benefits relationship before, it was Seungmin who established the rules and he who approached Youngtaek about it after their first hook up. But it’s something he has come to enjoy a lot. No need for one night stands when he knows Seungmin is nearly always there to spent a couple of hours with him. And he feels safe with him. 

Youngtaek sighs and shakes off the feelings. He likes Seungmin but nothing more than that. No greater feelings. Never. On the way back home, he picks up some food from a shop, taking the short train ride home back to the apartment. As soon as he enters the apartment, he can hear Jangjun stumble around.

“You’re back! What did you buy?”

“I bought you some bulgogi. Why are you eating dinner at 8 PM?” Youngtaek asks sitting down on the couch, placing the food on the table.

“I forgot about the time while working. You were still out. You already ate?”

Youngtaek nods. Jangjun comes out and checks the small plastic bag of food. He makes sounds of excitement before sitting down and taking it all out.

“Where were you even?” Jangjun asks.

“Just meeting up with a friend,” he answers, taking out his phone to check messages.

“A date?”

Youngtaek looks up at Jangjun with a grimace. “No.”

“Don’t look at me as if I just asked a too personal question! I was just wondering, maybe you were on a date. You haven’t been on one in forever.”

“Maybe because I am not interested in dating currently.”

“Lies, last Valentine, you were eating till you basically passed out due to loneliness.”

“Well, things have changed. I’m not lonely anymore, I don’t need a partner.”

“Liar,” Jangjun says and starts eating the food. Youngtaek shakes his head and lies down on the couch. Jangjun isn’t wrong.

He was lonely last year at Valentine, and he still is somewhat. But Seungmin has filled some of it up, the touch and affection he needed from someone. But, it’s not exactly the same. All there is between him and Seungmin is sex, all the couple things he loves doing is missing. Taking the person out for the day, spending the evening together at the water, going on weekend trips, or just cuddling and watching a movie together. 

There’s still something missing, the non-sexual affection, the love he feels whenever the two end up cuddling during the night. He shakes his head. Love, there shouldn’t be love between them. It’s all strictly physical attraction, no emotional attraction.

That’s how it should continue. Even so, Youngtaek is too busy to be dating someone. The commitment there is in a relationship, he doesn’t have the time for it currently. Staying single is the best for him at the moment. That’s at least what he is trying to convince himself.


	2. Chapter 2

“Do you wanna join me today?” Jangjun asks Youngtaek.

Youngtaek looks up from the table with papers for his class. Jangjun is dressed neatly. He’s going to his club meeting. Or club meeting - it’s a bunch of people meeting to find the best restaurant in Seoul when Youngtaek knows it’s just an excuse to go out and eat in fancy places. Most of the time it’s funded by others, they rarely ever have to pay themselves, also another reason Jangjun picked it.

“You are not as fancy as usual.”

“This isn’t a fancy place either. But I still have to dress to impress. So, do you wanna join?”

He shakes his head. “No thank you, I’ll just order some food.”

“Come on, we haven’t gone out together in so long.” He comes up behind him, placing his hands on his shoulders.

“We went out two days ago together.”

“Yes to grocery shop and then one drink on the way home, but that’s not the same. I miss when we went out each weekend to drink, now you’re too busy,” Jangjun complains shaking his shoulders.

Youngtaek rolls his eyes. It used to be a tradition of theirs to go drinking on Fridays but now he’s been too busy. Fridays also quickly became the main days he and Seungmin met up. But not at the moment. Seungmin has been too busy to meet up, been putting it off for two weeks. Youngtaek can feel he has come into the habit, the hunger in his stomach to be touched.

“Come on, please. It’s a good place, better than takeout food. And you need a break, you have been studying all day. What have you even eaten today?”

Youngtaek becomes lost for words. He hasn’t eaten, just a short breakfast. He sighs and opens his phone, into the chatroom he wrote in an hour ago. A message he sent an hour ago, asking if Seungmin was free. It has been read. But still no answer. He sighs again and closes the app.

“I’ll join,” he says, standing up and going into his room to change.

“I knew you would. You’re gonna love it. Just wear something smart casual and you’ll be fine!” Jangjun yells at him in excitement.

He picks out a white shirt and some black jeans, changes into them, and quickly styling his hair.

“Is this good enough?” He asks, coming out to the entrance where Jangjun is putting on his shoes.

“It’s perfect. Come, let’s go. It’s not that far. You don’t have to bring money.”

They leave the apartment. The restaurant is apparently close enough for them to walk over there. Youngtaek did just grab his bag with his stuff in it, just in case he would need it. He never leaves the apartment without it, it would feel weird.

He regrets quickly that he didn’t bring a jacket, it’s cold despite it being the beginning of spring. The evenings are still chilly and the sky is cloudy tonight with a fresh breeze through the city. He hugs himself as they walk down the street. He was gonna wear a sweater but thought it wouldn’t be formal enough. At least it would have kept him warm.

The restaurant is in the shopping street close to their apartment and the university campus. It is on multiple floors, in between two stores. It’s lit up in warm colors, and the overall atmosphere as they enter is comforting. It’s warm, a lot of people are talking together as waiters walk around the tables, bringing food or taking orders, a few people cheering in the very far back.

Jangjun guides them upstairs where a group of people is sitting around a table.

“Do we have room for one more chair? I brought a friend,” Jangjun says as he comes to the table.

Immediately, people move around and another chair is moved over for Youngtaek to sit, next to Jangjun. Youngtaek sits down awkwardly as he knows none of these people. They are all part of Jangjun’s social group.

“We have already ordered if that’s fine with you. We just ordered a big arrange of different things so people can try whatever they want,” a girl sitting opposite of them says.

“That’s of course not a problem. Can we get something to drink?”

The man next to Youngtaek takes the bottle and pours it up for both of them, smiling at them.

“Joonwoo, you don’t have to pour for Youngtaek, he is younger than you,” Jangjun says, laughing slightly.

“Then he can pour for me when I finish my glass. I’m Cha Joonwoo.”

“Son Youngtaek,” he says, awkwardly drying his sweaty palms on his shirt. He suddenly feels warm pushed between everyone. “I feel so underdressed.”

“Oh no, you look good. Do you need some water?” Joonwoo asks, probably noticing the sweat gathering on his forehead.

“Ah, yes, please. Thank you.”

“You’re Jangjun’s roommate, right? Where are you from?”

“Hwaseong.”

“In Gyeonggi? No way, I’m from there as well.” The food comes in and is set all around the table. Plates are set around everyone, including the chopsticks. “How little Korea is.”

“I’ve moved around quite a lot, so it’s just the city I was born in,” Youngtaek explains.

“Ah, then you’ll have to come to Hwaseong so I can show you around, get familiar with your birth city, that’s always important to.”

Everyone starts eating. Youngtaek takes a little, despite not feeling very hungry. He regrets coming, he doesn’t know anyone here as well as Jangjun does. He feels like an intruder.

“You don’t eat a lot, is that why you’re so tall and skinny?” Joonwoo asks, laughing but stops when he sees Youngtaek doesn’t. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah, I’m sorry, I’m just tired.”

“Do you need something?” he asks, putting a hand on his shoulder. “Been a hard day for you?”

“A little. I have been studying most of the day, doing work for my classes, this is the first proper break I have.”

“Youngtaek, you’re young and the university isn’t all. This is your youth, you have to enjoy it while it’s still there. I know I sound like an ahjussi right now, but you need free time.”

“It’s also just today that was busy. I … just don’t have many excuses to get out. I don’t really like drinking or clubbing.”

“Then I have an excuse for you. Do you like golf?”

“Golf? I’ve never tried it.”

“Then you can. On Monday, with me.”

Youngtaek feels the heat rising in him again. This was quick, he hadn’t expected to be invited out for something already, he barely knows Joonwoo. His hand is still on his shoulder, it has moved around a little, to feel. Youngtaek feels a vibration in his pocket. He quickly takes it out.

_Seungmin: I’m free now. Come over if you want to._

“I’m sorry, I have to go. Emergency,” Youngtaek says, standing up. “Jangjun, I’ll see you back at the apartment. Thank you for the dinner.”

He can hear Jangjun call after him but he just rushes downstairs, out onto the street, and towards the subway. It’s first when he gets inside the train, taking a moment to relax that he realizes what he has done. He ran. From dinner with others. He sighs, hitting his forehead against the metal pole next to his seat. What has gotten over him? He did want an excuse to leave, but it didn’t have to go that quick.

And he didn’t even get to answer Joonwoo about the golf. He has never tried golf, but it sounds … fun. He sighs again, staying in the same position till the train stops near enough. He walks for another five minutes before getting to the apartment building. Maybe it will help relieve some stress.

He walks inside and up the stairs, knocking on the door to the apartment. Seungmin opens it, widening his eyes and looking him up and down. Taking all of him in.

“Wow, you didn’t have to dress up. Come inside.”

“What has kept you so busy?” he asks, taking off his shoes.

“Stuff,” he answers shortly, taking his hand to pull him into the apartment. Seungmin sets him down on the couch, crawling on top of his lap and kissing down his neck. Youngtaek moves his hand down his arm, noticing the bandage around his hand.

“What has happened to you?”

“Don’t worry, it’s not gonna be in the way.” He starts buttoning up his shirt, taking the hand out of sight.

“Why won’t you give me a proper answer?”

Seungmin stops and sighs.

“You have an awful lot of questions. Did you come here to have sex or just to integrate me?”

“Am I suddenly not allowed to ask questions? I just want to know what happened to you.”

“Don’t bother. I know you don’t care about it. Now, I can feel you’re hard so want me to continue?” Youngtaek doesn’t say anything. “No protest this time? Good.”

Seungmin goes back to kissing and licking up his neck, softly grinding down on him, as he takes off Youngtaek’s shirt. I know you don’t care about it. Where did that come from? Why wouldn’t he care?

Youngtaek can feel an annoyance rise in him. Anger that mixes together with his neediness and hunger. Seungmin pulls off his own shirt, throwing it on the floor. In just a short second, Youngtaek wraps his arms around Seungmin’s waist and flips him down, back first on the couch.

He has waited long enough for this now. He kisses down Seungmin’s collarbone, chest, and abs, biting at his skin a little. Seungmin moans; he doesn’t have to even look to know that the man is smiling. The moan and whimper get louder as Youngtaek pulls the man’s pants down and take him in his mouth.


	3. Chapter 3

Youngtaek opens the door to the apartment, slowly entering it, trying not to make a sound as he takes off his shoes. Yet, as soon as he closes the door, the light in the entrance is turned on and Jangjun stands in front of him, crossing his arms. It’s been a long time since he has seen Jangjun look that angry.

“What was that - at the restaurant?”

Lie. He has to lie. Quickly. He sighs and looks down in shame, rummaging through his mind after a convincing lie.

“I’m sorry. It was my mom, Choco had some issues with her stomach, so I had to go with them to the vet.”

“Is she alright?” Jangjun asks, sounding calmer, arms falling down and his eyes softening.

“Yeah, they gave her some medicine, but it’s just to see how she’s handling it. She hasn’t eaten a lot apparently, and what she did eat … it just came back up again. I’m really sorry, I’ll write out to all the guests and apologize.”

Jangjun steps closer and put his hands on his shoulders.

“You don’t have to, I’ll explain it to them. You just go in and rest, it’s really late. Take a break tomorrow.”

As Jangjun turns around, Youngtaek bites his tongue and look down. What a lie, pathetic really. It was convincing but he feels pathetic. Can’t even explain to his roommate of two years that he left because he was needy. He sighs, carrying his dead weight into the bedroom, falling down on top of the bed. A few minutes go by before the light is turned on.

“I also had to give you this,” Jangjun says, coming inside and putting down a piece of paper next to his head. Youngtaek takes it and looks at it. It’s numbers.

“What is this?”

“Jonwoo’s number. Apparently, you two had a conversation going before you left and seems like he wants to continue,” Jangjun sniffs the air. “What is that I smell? Romance?”

“Leave me alone, it’s not romance. He just wanted to take me golfing,” he says, looking at the number. So he didn’t leave that bad of an impression. He was scared he would have after running off so suddenly.

“If you say so, sleep well.”

Jangjun turns off the light as he closes the door, leaving Youngtaek in the dark. He lets go of the paper and sighs, rolling over on his back, pulling out his phone from his pocket. Should he wait until tomorrow? It is rather late, would he even be awake?

He throws the phone on the bed next to him and gets up to change. It’s too late, they probably all drank at the restaurant, the man is probably wasted in his own apartment. The last thing Youngtaek would want during a drunk night is some guy texting him. Youngtaek huffs; he will be surprised if Jonwoo even remembers him tomorrow. He washes his face and gets into the bed, looking at the number one more time. Maybe a small message won’t hurt.

He sits up against the headboard, typing in the number and a small messaging, apologizing for leaving so early. There, now he doesn’t have to think about it until tomorrow, who says the man is even going to reply.

After a few minutes of silence, Youngtaek trying to fall asleep, his phone beeps on the table and lights up. A part of him says to ignore it, to continue to sleep but his curiosity gets the better of him and he reaches out to grab it, seeing the message from Jonwoo.

_Jonwoo: it’s okay, I hope you are fine and nothing is wrong. Do you still wanna go golfing with me?_

He does want to meet Jonwoo again, but spending a long golf game with him seems overbearing, too much to handle considering they met today and are still practically strangers.

_Youngtaek: what about we meet up for coffee first. Then you can also tell me more about it_

_Jonwoo: when do you wanna meet?_

He hesitates before answering.

_Youngtaek: tomorrow?_

_Jonwoo: I have to do some work tomorrow, but what about the day after tomorrow? Are you free there?_

_Youngtaek: I’m free, let’s meet at noon then_

Jonwoo sends an animated reaction saying he’s ready, before sending another one of a cartoon character going to bed. He can’t help but laugh a little, a small chuckle and a smile. He turns off the phone and lay it back on the table. He puts his hand over his stomach. It hurts but not in a painful way, it’s satisfying. He likes the feeling.


	4. Chapter 4

It’s a lovely day, the sun is shining, there is barely a cloud in the sky. On the way to the cafe at the university campus, there were a lot of birds chirping and a few of the trees are already starting to sprout. Inside the cafe is warm and cozy, a lot of people together, some on dates. Despite the comforting atmosphere, Youngtaek is gripping the edge of his chair. What reasons, he is really not sure. He already ordered a coffee for himself, but he hasn’t touched it since he took it from the barista.

He feels a hand touch his shoulder, snapping his head in the direction.

“Hey, have you eaten yet?” Jonwoo asks him with a smile.

“Ah yeah.”

Jonwoo sits down, with his own coffee.

“Good. Jangjun sent us a message about what happened. I hope your dog will be okay.”

It takes Youngtaek a few seconds to understand. Why would anything be wrong with Choco, until he remembers what he told Jangjun?

“Yes, she will be alright. She has been put on some medication, everything should be okay. I’m sorry I wrote late.”

“Oh, no need to apologize for that. I am always up semi-late.”

“I was scared you would be half tipsy and then my message would have annoyed you.”

Jonwoo laughs, leaning closer onto the table. “Understandable, it is a valid worry, but I had something planned the morning after dinner so I knew I couldn’t be hungover.”

“So the golf thing?”

“Yes, I don’t think we should do a whole 12 holes route, that’s gonna take too long. But since you haven’t tried it before, I thought we could just go for some practice. Then you can familiarize yourself with it. Of course, only if you want to.”

“No no, I do want to, I just wasn’t sure if you were gonna take me on a long route, but practice sounds good. At least more calming.”

“Yes, and you’ll like it. We can also eat there afterward. Still Monday right?”

“Ah, I have a meeting Monday which I don’t know when I’ll be done with. Some other day will be better if that’s fine.”

“Hm,” Jonwoo puts his head in his hand. “I’ll have to check my schedule about when we then can do it, and of course available times. I’ll text you about that later after I’ve checked.”

Youngtaek’s grip on his chair has slowly lightened, lifting both arms up to hold around his cup of coffee, resting them on the table.

“What coffee are you drinking?” Jonwoo asks.

“Americano. It’s just my go-to coffee.”

“And I see you picked it to-go even. Shall we take a walk? It’s lovely weather.”

It feels so inviting, the way he speaks to Youngtaek. Like he truly means it. Youngtaek smiles and nods, standing up and they follow each other outside, walking alongside the campus. They talk about everything, Jonwoo telling about himself and always asking into Youngtaek, why they moved to Seoul, their common interest, and every now and then when their conversation goes off the rail into something completely off-topic.

Youngtaek has a smile on his face the entire walk and even when they don’t talk, just walk a little bit in the silence, it doesn’t feel awkward. They wander between the trees that are all slowly getting their leaves back for the spring, small flowers slowly starting to bloom. It’s lovely.

“I was planning on going into Myeongdong for some shopping, do you wanna join me?”

“Sure, I would like to. I have to look after some new shoes, the ones I have are worn out a little.”

He feels his phone vibrate in his pocket. Probably Jangjun asking him to get some food on the way home. One day, he has to calculate how much money he has spent on takeaway for Jangjun, so the roommate can pay it back. But more messages come in. He stops up and checks the notifications. They are all from Seungmin. Why now of all times? The first message is telling him to come over.

The next message is just the word ‘ _quickly_ ’ and then two photos he knows he probably shouldn’t open in a public setting. His heart starts beating faster, imagining what Seungmin has planned for him, for him to message him telling Youngtaek to come over. There is excitement inside of him, a sly smile on his face as he imagines coming to the apartment and kissing the small man, spending the rest of the afternoon with him in his arms.

“Something’s up?” Jonwoo asks, dragging Youngtaek back to reality. The smile falls and it feels as if his heart stops for a second.

He completely forgot Jonwoo was here. He wishes to go see Seungmin, feel all the emotions and the rush of being with him - but he also wants to be with Jonwoo. His hand trembles as he swipes away the messages and mutes his phone, putting it back in his pocket.

“No, everything is fine. Let’s go.”

Jonwoo looks suspiciously at him. Even Youngtaek could hear how his own voice was shaking, but Jonwoo doesn’t question it. It’s not until a few hours later when they are still in Myeongdong inside a clothing store that Youngtaek checks his phone again.

Jonwoo is trying on some clothing, Youngtaek sitting by some chairs with his own bags. Here are a few messages from group chats he is in and then Seungmin has written to him again. It’s just a question mark. Inside the chat room, the photos show, making Youngtaek bite his lip, laying his long jacket over his lap to hide anything that might show.

Quickly, he writes that he is busy.

_Seungmin: with what?_

Youngtaek rolls his eyes. Why does he have to give out information when Seungmin refuses to? He didn’t even want to tell why he was wearing bandages the other day.

_Youngtaek: I’m just busy._

It’s read but no response. Turning off the phone, he leans his head back and sighs. Maybe he needs a break from it all, their friends with benefits relationship has taken up a lot of time in his schedule, prevented him from meeting some friends. Nearly prevented him from going out with Jonwoo today. Why is he acting like this? What has gotten over him?

Jonwoo comes out to him, wearing a sweater.

“What do you think?” he asks, turning around for Youngtaek to get a good look.

“It’s nice but isn’t really the weather for sweaters for the moment.”

“That’s true, maybe I should buy a shirt instead. I’ll look at that another day, what time is it?”

“It’s nearly 6 PM.”

“Looks like I’ve stolen most of your day, I hope that wasn’t a problem.”

“No, not at all, I’ve had fun. And I’ve gotten new clothing so it has also been a successful day.”

“I’ll just quickly go change again, wait here.”

Jonwoo comes back two minutes later, putting on his jacket.

“Can I invite you for dinner or would that be too much?”

Youngtaek laughs slightly, standing up, holding his jacket in front of him. Seungmin’s photos still imprinted in his mind.

“Maybe some other day, I promised to get food with Jangjun today. You can buy me food when we go golfing.”

“Deal. Can I at least follow you to the train?”

Youngtaek can’t stop himself from smiling. “Sure.”

Youngtaek says goodbye to Jonwoo in front of the station, going into the subway. But it’s not the one going to his apartment. It’s the train to Seungmin’s.


	5. Chapter 5

Youngtaek did not lie. He had promised to eat dinner with Jangjun today, but he still has some time. He walks up the apartment stairs and knocks on the door. There go a few seconds before Seungmin opens it and smiles.

“You weren’t so busy anyway,” he says, crossing his arms.

“Shut up,” Youngtaek says, grabbing the smaller man and kisses him. Youngtaek moves them inside, the door closing after them as he presses Seungmin against the wall of the entrance, not letting go. Barely letting them breathe.

His shoes and jacket come off, Seungmin’s hands roaming his shoulders and back. Youngtaek finally let go of his lips, instead, moving to his neck.

“Fuck, Youngtaek,” Seungmin breathes out heavily.

He moves his lips up his skin, leaving small marks and kisses, coming up to his ear.

“This is for the photos,” he whispers, hearing Seungmin stop breathing for a second before Youngtaek pushes him down on his knees, opening his pants. Seungmin adjusts his position but smiles up at Youngtaek. His eyes full of excitement, glistering nearly.

Youngtaek braces himself, resting his arm against the wall and the other in Seungmin’s hair, looking at the wall in front of him. Looking down is too much for him. His legs nearly become limp and weak, all air disappearing from him when he feels Seungmin’s lips around him.

+++

Youngtaek slowly opens his eyes, looking into the wall of Seungmin’s bedroom. He doesn’t remember falling asleep. Rolling over on his back, he sees Seungmin sitting at the edge of the bed, typing something on the phone, fully dressed.

“What time is it?” Youngtaek asks, Seungmin looking over his shoulder.

“A little past seven,” he answers, turning away again.

So he hasn’t even slept for that long. His clothes are on the floor, which he grabs and starts putting on. There is something wrong. The atmosphere feels tense as if bad news has arrived or something awful has happened. He gets dressed in silence, grabbing his phone to check messages.

“I hurt my hand - at a kendo class.”

It takes Youngtaek a few seconds to understand what he means. His eyes falling down onto the hand that was previously wrapped in bandages. There are still some bruises, but they seem mostly healed.

“I didn’t know you did kendo. Is that why you couldn’t meet?”

“One of the reasons. There were others as well. I had seen my parents for the first time in a long time as well, just for a few hours, but it made me a little depressed. I didn’t want to see anyone else at that time.”

There is some silence. Youngtaek does know that Seungmin’s family doesn’t live in Seoul, that he has to travel far to see them. Seungmin huffs.

“Now I realize, it would probably have been better to have had someone to talk to. Would have taken my mind off of things.”

“I’m sorry to hear. You could have called…”

“I kinda wish I had,” Seungmin mumbles. “But you have to go home now, right?”

“Yeah, that was my plan - unless you want me to stay. I can text my roommate-”

“No no, I don’t want to get in the way of your normal life,” Seungmin says, standing up, following Youngtaek out to the door. “Thank you for coming, despite the fact that you were busy.”

“You’re … welcome.”

“I mean it.” He opens the door. “I like being with you.”

Youngtaek can’t stop himself from forming a small smile, stepping out into the hallway.

“I like it too. Bye.”

He hears Seungmin mumble a goodbye as the door closes and he walks down the stairs. They have never had these heartfelt goodbyes. Seungmin has never shown Youngtaek to the door, never expressed himself like that. When he had just arrived at the apartment, he was normal, cold; closed off. The usual hard demeanor that barely showed any feelings. Now, Youngtaek could swear he was something in Seungmin’s eyes. They were blank like glass, his face redder.

He stops on the stairs, looking back up to the apartment. Seungmin did not look to be in a healthy state of mind, as if there was something wrong. He takes a step up the stairs. Maybe he should go and comfort him, be with him so he’s not alone. But would that be too much? They were never supposed to be personal with each other. But he can’t hide the fact that a big part of him cares about Seungmin, about his well being. But does Seungmin even want him to care?

Youngtaek sighs, taking out his phone to write a quick message to Seungmin.

_Youngtaek: If you need to talk or anything else, you can write to me. I’ll come over_

He sends it, walking down the stairs and out of the building. By the time he reaches a restaurant to grab food, he checks his phone again. The message has been read but no reply. Radio silence. What else had Youngtaek expected?

He takes the train home, sitting with the food in between his feet in a plastic bag. During the train ride, he feels his phone go off in his pocket. Hastily, he takes it off, believing it to be Seungmin replying, but it’s Jonwoo.

_Jonwoo: “I forgot to ask, what day is best for you for golf practice? It’s best to go in the evening, lesser people there and more time slots available all weekdays.”_

_Youngtaek: “Friday maybe?”_

Jonwoo sends a shocked cartoon character.

_Jonwoo: “But that’s so far away.”_

_Youngtaek: “I’m sorry, but I am busy with my studies right now.”_

There is radio silence for a bit.

_Jonwoo: “Can I buy you lunch one day? We can meet somewhere on campus.”_

Youngtaek keeps forgetting about how they both go to the same university. Jonwoo even told that he is studying engineering. Their buildings are far away from each other but he supposes they could meet somewhere in the middle of campus.

_Youngtaek: “Sure, we can. Wednesday? Is that good for you?”_

_Jonwoo: “yes, let’s meet then. I’ll send you the address. I hope to see you around.”_

They most likely won’t see each other on campus, as their university campus is very big, one of the biggest in Seoul.

He gets home and Jangjun comes running for the food.

“So, how was your date?” Jangjun asks, taking his seat on the floor at the table, eating his food. Youngtaek falls down onto the couch.

“It wasn’t a date. We were just hanging out for a while.”

“Seemed like a date. Are you two meeting, again soon?”

“Yeah, on Wednesday. He’s taking me for lunch.”

Jangjun just smiles slyly at him, a glint in his eyes. Youngtaek takes the pillow and throws it at him.

“It’s not a date.”

“Okay, then go Wednesday and see what happens. I’ve known Jonwoo for a while and I can see when he wants something. He wants you.”

Youngtaek rolls his eyes, dropping his head back on the couch. Jangjun is being overdramatic as always. Despite that, there is a feeling in his stomach. Multiple thoughts running through his mind. None of which he can make any proper sense of, but it all goes back to one thing. Worry.


	6. Chapter 6

Youngtaek sits in one of the practice rooms of his university building, in front of the piano, recording a piece that he needs to finish. It’s what he spends most of his time on between lectures and actual practices. There’s always at least one room free, and he feels more secure in here than in the big practice room. A place where more people are likely to walk in, come inside, or just disturb him while he’s working.

It knocks on the door, Youngtaek turning his head to see. People normally don’t interrupt others while practicing. He loses his breath and folds his hands into fists as he sees Seungmin opening the door and coming in.

“Hey,” he says, looking around, obviously also nervous about being here. “I bought some coffee, may I come in?”

“Sure sure, come in, sit down,” Youngtaek says, fumbling with his notes, closing the piano. Seungmin comes inside, putting the two coffee cups on the small table, sitting down on the extra chair.

“I was passing by here. One of my other friends studies music as well, but he had already left, so thought I could maybe come and see what you are doing here. Are you practicing?”

“Ah, I was actually recording, for a class,” Youngtaek says, fumbling to stop his phone recording sound, in disbelief that Seungmin is actually here. “I have a keyboard at the apartment but … I normally come here when I don’t have lectures or just don’t feel like going home yet.”

“Which one is it this time?”

“Don’t feel like going home yet. My roommate is there right now, I just needed some time for myself.”

“Ah, I’m sorry I then ruined that,” Seungmin says with a saddened smile.

“No, it’s fine. What coffee did you bring?”

“Americano. I remember you asking for it some mornings, so I just assumed it’s your normal go-to.”

Youngtaek takes it and drinks a little from it, thanking Seungmin.

“Are you hungry as well? Have you eaten? I can go buy some food for you,” Seungmin says, already standing up. Youngtaek softly grabs after him, making him sit down again.

“I have already eaten. It’s okay. The coffee is more than enough anyway. How are you?”

Youngtaek has not seen or heard from Seungmin since that evening when he had suddenly gotten emotional. At least, the most emotional he has ever seen Seungmin. 

“I’m okay, getting by. I’m sorry you had to deal with that, I don’t … know what came over me.”

Youngtaek smiles, taking a sip of his coffee. “You apologize too much. I was just worried about you.”

“How’s your day been tho?”

“Well,” Youngtaek isn’t sure what to answer. “My day has been alright. I was thinking of staying here until the evening, practicing, maybe writing a little.”

“Like, writing a music piece?”

“Yeah, I’m working on something, outside of my classes. Just for fun.”

“Can I hear it?”

Youngtaek hesitates. He puts down the coffee and opens the piano again, turning his back towards Seungmin. His heart is racing. It would be the first time he is showing off his music to anyone. He has written pieces before and showcased them but that was for projects or professors, showcases, but this piece is different. More personal.

His fingers shake as he starts playing the first couple of notes. He has played it so many times by himself, he can remember the notes. He barely needs a music sheet anymore for it. The melody has become second nature to him, listening to it when he’s going somewhere, easing his mind. It’s soft, slow. 

He knows others would consider it too simple, boring, nothing special in the musical world, but that’s not what he’s going for. As long as it’s good enough for him, that’s all that matters.

He stops playing, not turning around towards Seungmin. A small wave of embarrassment comes over him, he feels exposed in a new way than before. Exposed in a way he hasn’t felt before.

“That’s very beautiful. What’s it called?”

“I don’t have a name for it yet. I haven’t finished it yet either. Normally you first title your pieces after you finish them.”

“It sounded a little sad.”

Youngtaek chuckles a little, turning towards Seungmin.

“I started writing it when I was stressed. I guess it has just continued with that emotion throughout … it’s not exactly hard finding that kinda emotion for me.”

“What’s stressing you?” Seungmin asks a great worry in his eyes, looking at Youngtaek.

His fingers grip around the piano stool, looking at his notes. You. Seungmin stresses him. Jonwoo stresses him. The situation he is slowly getting himself into is stressing him. The words Jangjun told him. “Jonwoo wants you.” Kept calling it dates. He had lunch with Jonwoo earlier today, just a quick one and a stroll around the park. 

Youngtaek kept telling himself it wasn’t a date, that Jangjun was being dramatic, but then Jonwoo had taken his arm, and they had walked arm in arm together, hugged as they said goodbye.

The way Jonwoo had held Youngtaek … it made him happy, feel safe. A familiar feeling he did not want to admit, which he has felt with someone else. Kept wondering what would happen if Jonwoo truly wants anything serious with Youngtaek. It wouldn’t hurt Seungmin, right? He cares for Seungmin, but their relationship is nothing serious.

And now, being here with Seungmin, seeing Seungmin in that state after their evening together, talking about his parents, talking like this, coming with coffee, asking into his life, everything he has wanted Seungmin to do with him. 

He can’t continue this. If Jonwoo really wants to date Youngtaek, he can’t be having a sex-only relationship with Seungmin. It’s too confusing, his emotions are being too anxious about it all. He can’t have both. And Seungmin has already made it very clear in the beginning, their relationship would only be sex. Nothing more.

There are no real feelings between them. There never will be. It would be better for him to focus on just developing a relationship with Jonwoo. Going on the dates has also made him realize how much he has missed a proper relationship.

“Youngtaek?” Seungmin asks, having leaned closer to him, as he got lost in his thoughts.

“Sorry, just … I have a lot of things to deal with right now, it’s a mess in my head.”

“You can tell if you want to. I’ll listen.”

Why now all of the sudden? Why is Seungmin being caring now? 

“I just think I wanna go home and relax a little if that’s alright.”

“Of course,” Seungmin stands up, as Youngtaek puts all his notes into his bag, standing up. “Remember your coffee.”

Seungmin holds it out for him. Youngtaek takes it and smiles.

“Thank you.”

They walk out of the building together, into the warm air and the cooling breeze.

“If you have time, do you want to come over to me at some point this week for an evening? I’ll provide dinner.”

“Maybe. I’ll text you,” Youngtaek answers. He has to end it before then. Before it becomes too late. Seungmin nods and waves goodbye as he starts walking in the opposite direction as Youngtaek has to go in. 

The whole way home, Youngtaek sits in his own thoughts, his own world. A world where things were more simple, with more concrete answers.


	7. Chapter 7

Jonwoo swings the golf club and the small white ball goes flying. It goes far and Youngtaek at some point loses it in the air. First when Jonwoo points it out on the ground that he sees it again.

“You’re really good at this,” Youngtaek says, feeling pathetic with his lousy attempts.

“I have also been playing for a long time. If you continue like this, you will get the hang of it in no time. Try a few again.”

He hands him the club and Youngtaek go into the standing position as Jonwoo places a new ball on the ground. He swings and misses the ball, a small chuckles coming from Jonwoo.

“It’s not funny,” Youngtaek says with a smile.

“It’s not, it’s just cute. Spread your feet a little bit more, and stand with a straight back. You’re too young to have an old man’s spine.”

“Like this?” Youngtaek asks for reassurance, correcting his posture.

“Yeah, try now.”

He lets out a breath and swings. It hits the ball this time but doesn’t go very far. A surge of happiness spreads in him. Jonwoo claps.

“Now you just need to improve your swinging. But you’re doing good for a beginner, considering you have never played golf.”

“I’ve done mini-golf.”

“Oh wow, I’m sorry, then I shouldn’t have underestimated you.”

They laugh as Youngtaek swings again and Jonwoo orders one more drink for each of them. He continues to practice swinging. He focused on Jonwoo earlier as he was doing it, the swift curved swing he did so effortlessly. Youngtaek is trying his best to copy it, attempting to get the same flow or at least a similar kind of flow. Nothing really seems to be working.

“I’m glad you joined me. It’s really lonely just playing alone.”

“Why do you play alone?”

“None of my friends have time for playing anymore and I have to practice if I want to keep up. You know, the same way you have to keep practicing the piano, which I wanna hear you play one day.”

“If you come by the practice building, I’ll play for you. It’s on the other side of campus tho.”

“It’s okay, I’ll travel that far. If I ever have the time. Even just finding time for golfing is hard nowadays. I feel like I am constantly working on my studies.”

Jonwoo doesn’t come off as the busy man. The way he often texts Youngtaek and seemingly always find time for them to hang out. Maybe he just organizes his schedule well. Something Youngtaek could learn a few things about.

“Is music study hard?”

Youngtaek stands up straight.

“It’s time-consuming, a lot of practicing, it’s also a lot of theory and even after playing for many years, I still feel like I am learning new things. I am considering taking a sound mixing class next semester, I just fear I will become too busy.”

“Hm, same for the engineering study. It’s funny, I didn’t even like math during high school, it was my most hated class, yet I still did well.”

“Lucky, I was never really that good at it.”

They play for a bit more, Jonwoo guiding Youngtaek as much as possible. When he finally hits a ball that goes flying, he nearly jumped in excitement. They sit on the bench by their spot, enjoying their drinks as the sound of other players keeps going in the distance.

“Jonwoo, this is a date?” Youngtaek asks. He doesn’t know if it’s the alcoholic drinks that made him brave enough to ask. But it’s something that has been bothering Youngtaek long enough for it to finally be let out.

Jonwoo smiles and turns to him.

“Do you want it to be a date?”

“I’m not sure…” Youngtaek says, his heartbeat racing. Jonwoo reaches out and moves some of Youngtaek’s hair away from his forehead.

“I know I would like it to be. And I would like another date again, preferably soon. If you would like to.”

 _But … Seungmin_. He bites the inside of his cheek. _Stop thinking about him_. Youngtaek keeps telling himself he isn’t interested in Seungmin that way. Their relationship is pure sex. Nothing else.

“I think that sounds like a good idea,” Youngtaek answers.

+++

The same evening, Youngtaek lies in his bed, staring up at the ceiling. His mind is in the gutter. His thoughts flying everywhere. Jonwoo could just as well have admitted he liked him, it was basically the same confession. And he is supposed to meet Seungmin tomorrow. He sighs, covering his face in his hands. He can’t continue this. He has to end this now.

He grabs his phone and dials Seungmin’s number. It’s semi-late but it’s Friday, Seungmin would be up. And he is.

_“Good evening, what is the pleasure of receiving a call from you at this time?”_

Youngtaek bites his lip. He can basically see the smile on his face through the phone call. He sighs, not answering.

_“Youngtaek, are you there?”_

“Yeah, I am … I can’t come tomorrow.”

_“Oh, that’s fine. We’ll just find another day.”_

“I can’t do that either… It’s over.”

The line goes silent.

_“What are you saying?”_

“I am saying … you and I are over, this … relationship or whatever it was to you, it’s over. I can’t continue it.”

Youngtaek prepares for the worst.

Nothing, nothing could have prepared him to hear Seungmin laugh.

_“You are really fucking ending this over a phone call. After so long. Did it mean so little to you?”_

“Mean so little? You said it yourself, it’s just sex. Nothing special, right? You have said that yourself.”

_“There’s someone else, right? It’s that guy Jonwoo right?”_

“How do you-”

 _“You moaned his name in your sleep.”_ His voice has changed, it’s no longer steady. Youngtaek’s heart starts beating rapidly.

“Yes. Yes, I am seeing him. But why would you even care? Why would you care about me seeing someone else? It’s none of your business and you shouldn’t even be allowed to get angry at me. We aren’t dating.”

Seungmin sighs on the other end of the line. _“I know it was just sex, but I at least wished I meant a little bit more to you, that you would have ended this to my face instead of over a fucking phone call.”_

“You have never fucking cared about me, why should I care about you?” Youngtaek yells into the phone, frustrated by the words he is saying. They are lies. Seungmin is lying. He has to be.

_“I care about you … Youngtaek, it hurts me to hear you think that I don’t … I like you.”_

“You are lying. You don’t care. All you wanted from me was sex. And you can’t deny that those were the words you said to me when we started this. ‘I don’t want a relationship or anything like that with you, I just want to have sex with you’. Those were the words you said.”

Seungmin doesn’t respond. He just stays silent.

“I don’t… I don’t get you. You said it was just sex to you, nothing emotional. You have constantly said that we shouldn’t connect or become personal, but now you suddenly are breaking your own rules. The ones you established … we can’t be personal to each other, only when you feel like it. We only hook up yet here you are, getting angry at me for seeing someone else when there was nothing to our relationship, to begin with. What do you want from me?”

Seungmin doesn’t reply right away again, his line is just silent.

_“I don’t know what I want. I’m sorry.”_

Seungmin hangs up and Youngtaek is left with his phone by his ear, a pain in his heart, and a few tears rolling down his cheeks. Why is he crying?


	8. Chapter 8

Youngtaek finds himself staring at the chats between him and Seungmin once again. It’s been a week and a half since they broke it off. He hasn’t heard anything from Seungmin since that phone call, no call, no message. Why is he even hoping for one? He knows that he liked the sex and sleeping with Seungmin, but … why is it so hard for him to let go?

Maybe he needs a distraction. A proper reason to move on. Something that can take his mind off the previous lover. Jonwoo could be that person. A new beginning. Youngtaek exits the chat room and goes into Jonwoo’s. They haven’t been talking as much since their golf date. Youngtaek has kept busy, keeping his mind preoccupied with anything that makes him forget. But now, he feels ready. Ready for something new.

He messages him, asking if he is open to meet for dinner tonight. It doesn’t even take long before Jonwoo answers again.

_“My roommate is not home tonight, we can have dinner at my place. I’ll cook for you.”_

A lump forms in his throat, the thought of spending the evening at the apartment. Not in public as all their other previous hangouts have consisted of. It’ll be fine, he tells himself. He agrees with the idea.

_“Perfect! Just come by at 7 PM, here’s the address.”_

Jonwoo sends him a Naver Map link where the destination is Jonwoo’s apartment. It’ll be fine he thinks to himself. And he thinks that for the rest of the day, anxious as he finds clothes to put on, barely even muttering a word to Jangjun out of fear of what will come out of his mouth.

He sits on the couch, his leg anxiously bouncing up and down, Jangjun by the dining table working.

“You’re gonna break a hole in the floor if you keep doing that,” Jangjun says, looking up. “You know he likes you, why are you so nervous?”

“That’s the thing, I don’t know. Something inside me keeps yelling at me to not go.”

“You’re just scared of what will happen. If he moves too quickly, just say no, he’s a fine guy like that, he’ll respect it.”

Youngtaek sighs, knowing Jangjun is right. There’s nothing to be nervous about. He looks at his watch. It’s time. He grabs his coat and leaves for the train station, walking through the approaching evening. Down in the train station, as he stands, he sees a person walking past in just the edge of his eye.

Seungmin.

He looks to the person, stretching his neck only to see that it’s someone who looks like him. It’s not the same body build, too small. A short wave of disappointment comes over him, which he quickly shakes off again.

Forget him. He’s out of your life now. You don’t need him. The train comes and he enters, getting a seat. There is a poster hanging in the subway, a kendo poster. Youngtaek sighs, taking out his phone to distract himself. Why is he being like this? Why does his mind do this to him?

After some twenty minutes, he arrives and looks up at the building Jonwoo lives in. This is what should be on his mind. Jonwoo. Not Seungmin. He needs to forget Seungmin. Pushing his shoulders back, forcing back some of his confidence, he walks inside.

Inside the apartment, Jonwoo greets him in a hug and takes his jacket.

“I’m nearly done with the food.”

“What are we having?” Youngtaek asks, stepping inside. It’s a small apartment, a little smaller than the one Youngtaek and Jangjun live in, but they live far out in Seoul.

“Gamjatang. I hope you like it.”

“I do, I’m excited to try.”

“Sit down, I’ll come with some drinks.”

Youngtaek sits down, moving his hands down his pants to get rid of the nervous sweat. Jonwoo comes over from the kitchen, pouring up a glass of soju for both of them.

“You didn’t have to pour,” Youngtaek says.

“You’re the guest here. The rice just needs to finish, then dinner is ready. What have you been doing this last week? I haven’t seen you at all.”

“My studies just took up a lot of time, I’m sorry. The semester nearly just began but they are throwing a lot of things onto us.”

“They are going surprisingly easy on us right now, but that just makes me scared for the end of the semester. Oh well, cheers.”

Jonwoo holds up his glass of soju. Youngtaek takes his own as well and they cheer before drinking a little bit. There is beeping from the kitchen.

“Can you just help me a little with it?” Jonwoo asks, standing up.

“Of course.”

Youngtaek stands up. Jonwoo pours up in the bowls and hands them to him.

“Be careful, they are hot.”

Youngtaek does not protest as he takes them, placing them next to each their individual glass. Jonwoo comes back over with two bowls of rice, two spoons, and chopsticks.

“I apologize for not having a dining table, but my roommate and I prioritized more the size of our individual rooms so, the living room isn’t that big.”

“That’s okay, I feel like the view makes up for it,” Youngtaek says, looking out onto Seoul, the lights from the buildings and the cars driving below them.

They sit on the floor as they eat, Jonwoo always making sure Youngtaek has something in his glass. The food is delicious and made perfectly. An accomplishment Jonwoo seems extra proud of. When they finish, with nothing left in the bowls, they keep sitting on the floor, Youngtaek not being able to take his eyes off the view.

“You like the city, I can assume,” Jonwoo says.

“I always used to live in the urban areas, we never got a view like this. But it must be scary when there is a storm.”

“I haven’t had a chance to experience a storm yet in this apartment, maybe when monsoon season comes. Do you need anything more?”

“No thank you, I’m full.”

This distraction is nice. He can focus on Jonwoo only, nothing to make him think of … _him_. Jonwoo laughs a little and Youngtaek turns to face him.

“Your face is red.”

Youngtaek holds a hand up to his cheek, feeling the heat in them. It’s from all the drinking; he isn’t a very good drinker.

“I’m sorry if that’s my fault,” Jonwoo says with a smile, leaning in a little closer. Youngtaek shakes his head.

“No, it’s okay. I am just a weak drinker, that’s all. I can’t handle alcohol.”

“Oh, I just thought your face was red because I was here. And because I want to kiss you.”

Their eyes lock on each other. His heart is pounding out of his chest, so loudly he wouldn’t be surprised if Jonwoo could hear it. Jonwoo leans in the last bit and kisses him. A few short kisses before moving his hands up his neck, pulling Youngtaek closer to deepen the kiss.

This is what Youngtaek should want. He should be happy, ecstatic.

But he feels nothing.

There is a spark of excitement but it’s not from Jonwoo kissing him. It’s from imagining Jonwoo to be someone else. Someone else he has kissed before. Someone he wishes he was kissing him right now.

Jonwoo comes closer, trying to push Youngtaek down on his back and over on top of him.

This doesn’t feel right. He likes Jonwoo, so why do his body and mind tell him something else? Why does his mind keep imagining something else? Youngtaek puts a hand on Jonwoo’s chest, pushing him away, breaking off the kiss.

“I’m sorry, am I going too fast?” Jonwoo asks, hovering above him.

Youngtaek takes a few deep breaths, closing his eyes.

“No, I - I’m sorry, but … eugh I’m confused, I’m sorry … I think - I think I like someone else.”

Youngtaek never thought he would utter those words. Finally, realize his stubbornness. He can see the disappointment in Jonwoo’s eyes, the sadness in his voice as he sighs and lifts himself up, removing himself from Youngtaek, sitting on the couch. Youngtaek sits up, holding around his knees.

“I’m sorry,” he utters again.

“Don’t apologize. You can’t control your feelings. It’s fine.”

He sits for a little before standing up and finding his coat.

“Jonwoo. Thank you.” Youngtaek says before he leaves. He hears no reply.


	9. Chapter 9

Youngtaek stands in front of the door to the apartment, his hand in a fist in front of it, waiting to knock. He’s scared. What if this is a mistake? What if he just ruined his possibility for happiness and is now just making the situation worse?

He doesn’t know what’s going to happen. But better leave no words unspoken. He knocks on the door, waiting for a reply or for someone to open the door. 

Seungmin opens the door, taking a step back in shock, eyes wide.

“What are you doing here?” he asks.

“I’ve come to talk. May I come in?”

“Why now?”

Why after over a week has already passed? Because he’s a selfish idiot that is oblivious to everything. 

“Because it took me a long time to realize things, but now I know for certain. Please, can we just talk?”

Seungmin looks at him, the emotions in his eyes drifting from shock to sadness. He opens the door further and lets him in. The scenario Youngtaek had created in his head was much different. More dramatic where he would have come, confessed immediately to Seungmin and Seungmin would have said yes. But he has to remind himself this is reality, not some cliche drama. He steps inside the apartment, turning to face Seungmin.

“I think … I think I like you.” Seungmin stays silent, folding his arms across his chest. “It’s a complicated story, I had a date tonight with the guy, he kissed me and it just felt wrong, I can’t describe it -”

“Youngtaek, what are you doing? Why are you here? You ran away from your date to be here with me, despite being the one who said we needed to break it off. I respected your wish and left you, so why are you here?”

Youngtaek has many answers going through his head at once, not sure which one to pick. It’s uncertain, which one will trigger a response that he wants, something that will make him seem less pathetic, but he doesn’t think there is one for that at the moment.

“Because I shouldn’t have ended it. Seungmin, I like you.”

“You’re really dragging me through hell here you know? Youngtaek, how did you expect me to react to this? You told me, nearly two weeks ago that you basically wanted nothing to do with me -”

“I didn’t say that.”

“Don’t interrupt me and I’m sorry I don’t have an exact note down of our conversation, but you wanted it to stop and not see me. And now you’re here, telling me you like me. You’re jumping all over the place with what you want. You asked me what I wanted from you, now I am asking you. What do you want from me?”

“I thought I knew what I wanted, but after what happened tonight I know that wasn’t right. I was confused because you weren’t exactly good at showing your feelings either, one moment you don’t want to share any personal information what so ever, and the next morning, you come to my study building with coffee, wanting to go out for lunch with me as if we were a couple. My mind got confused about what I wanted, I kept telling myself I could never be with you in that type of couple way because you said you didn’t want to. I refused to accept my feelings but no more. Seungmin, I like you. And if I’ve been too much of a fucking idiot for you to accept me, that’s okay. I just … needed to get this out to make myself realize the truth I’ve been putting off for too long.”

Seungmin looks away.

“I thought that would make it easier, but it didn’t. I thought that if I didn’t get to know you, my own feelings would disappear. But then when I heard you say his name in your sleep, I got jealous … Youngtaek, I like you too. But you have really been dragging me through hell.”

His voice got quiet, small, and slow. 

“I thought I was content just sleeping with you but the thought of you dating someone and no longer wanting me hurt me, more than I expected it would. But I knew I couldn’t say anything, I had no right to. I wasn’t dating you, but my emotions took action before I could rationalize anything else, which just made the situation worse for you. And then the worst happened.”

Youngtaek ended their relationship. They have both been hurting their relationship, acted on impulse, and hurt each other. It just took some time for Youngtaek to realize how much he was hurting, while Seungmin has been suffering since it happened.

“Why don’t we start over? Start from the beginning, we both like each other. We both know … what to do to each other during sex,” Seungmin smiles at Youngtaek’s attempt to lighten the mood. “Why don’t we start over for the relationship? Go on dates, get to know each other this time. If we both want it.”

Seungmin seems hesitant. He walks over to Youngtaek, looking up at him.

“I would be willing to try, to see if it would work out, but it might take some time to properly adapt or get used to the shift in the relationship. I … didn’t expect it would come to this when I originally approached you about this in the beginning.”

“Of course, but I just know, I’ll be happy to finally get to know you,” Youngtaek put both of his hands on Seungmin’s shoulders. He was going to put them on his cheeks, but he wasn’t sure if he could; if Seungmin would have disapproved of it. “The real you, who I have so many questions for.”

Seungmin laughs, reaching up to take one of his hands in his.

“Then let’s sit and talk. I also have many questions for you,” Seungmin says, as he guides Youngtaek over to the couch.

After a bit of talking, they ordered some food and talked. Talked for hours and as the hours progressed, they moved closer, sat closer until Youngtaek was holding Seungmin in his arms, lying on the couch, leaving small kisses on his head. 

Youngtaek smiles to himself as he feels Seungmin’s slow breathing against his neck. This is the love he needed. This is where he was supposed to be from the beginning.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Epilogue next chapter!


	10. Epilogue

Youngtaek sits with his feet in the water at Cheonggyecheon stream, holding a water bottle in his hands. It’s late in the evening, all the lights are turned on after the sunset and there is a lot of people around them. No wonder, on a hot summer day, nothing better to do than go to the stream and relax with cold drinks. They came early to make sure they would get good spots to enjoy their food.

And just as he feels his stomach rumbling, he feels someone sitting down next to him. Turning his head to see the side profile of Seungmin as he takes off his own shoes, slowly putting his feet into the water. 

“Uuuhhh, it’s cold, it’s cold,” he says, keeping his feet in the water. Next to him is plastic bags with food for both of them.

“It’s refreshing. Did you get everything?”

“Everything we ordered, perfectly.”

Seungmin starts taking the food out, placing it between them. It’s been a few months since they started a serious relationship, decided to see how it would work. It’s been … difficult, suddenly having to start from the beginning in an already sexually active relationship, getting to know each other outside of the bedroom. But Youngtaek would be lying if he said he hasn’t enjoyed it.

“Wait, just a second,” Youngtaek says, Seungmin freezing up completely, looking at him. Youngtaek smiles, moving a hand up the man’s nape, pulling him closer for a short kiss. Seungmin smiles at him and Youngtaek returns the smile, kissing him again shortly on the cheek before letting go.

“Jangjun still misses me in the apartment,” Youngtaek says, unwrapping the street food.

“So he’s still jealous?”

“I wouldn’t say jealous, just misses having me home. I have been spending a lot of time at yours?”

“You basically live there, your toothbrush and shampoo have found its way nicely into my bathroom. Why don’t I just stay at your place then? Then I think Jangjun is gonna want you out again.”

Telling Jangjun about Seungmin was an interesting turn of events. They dated for two weeks before he finally told Jangjun about them, explaining their relationship before and now. Jangjun was shocked, in disbelief, and had long conversations with Youngtaek if this relationship was even a good idea. 

But now, he seems more open to it, even expressed how he likes Seungmin more than Jonwoo. Whether he actually means it or just said it to make Youngtaek happy, he isn’t entirely sure of.

But one thing Youngtaek knows for sure is that he is happy with Seungmin, he’s very happy.

“I also bought some beer. Here you go, your favorite.”

Youngtaek takes it and opens it.

“There’s a holiday coming up. The university is gonna be closed for a day. Do you wanna go somewhere?” Seungmin asks, drinking his own beer.

“Hm, what about going to Gwangju?”

Seungmin looks at him with widened eyes.

“You wanna go to my hometown?”

“Yeah, I wanna see where you grew up. Show me around, plus I wanna see what’s down there. I’ve never really been to that part of Korea, and maybe also about the time I meet your family.”

Seungmin has already met Youngtaek’s parents. The closest Youngtaek has gotten to Seungmin’s was a phone call.

“I’ll see if I can get it arranged if they have time. But we can’t do a lot in just one day.”

“Then let’s take an extended weekend there. I wanna travel with you more, get out, explore.”

“You have so many dreams. Then next year, you show me Japan and where you lived there. Then you can also hear how god awful my Japanese is.”

“Do you even speak Japanese?”

“Nope.”

Youngtaek laughs, moving closer to Seungmin, putting his chin on his shoulder. Enjoying the cooling breeze. He closes his eyes and just takes in the moment. He has started doing that a lot lately, these small moments with Seungmin that he would never have had otherwise. Some mornings, he wakes up and thinks that everything has been a dream, that he never confessed to Seungmin.

But then he sees the man sleeping next to him or preparing coffee for him, and he knows it’s reality. A reality he does not want to let go of. He can feel Seungmin’s hand slowly caress his face. Youngtaek smiles, leaning into the touch. This is everything he wanted.

The End.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That's the story. I hope you all enjoyed it. This is my first time writing friends with benefits au so I hope it did it well enough. I know it's not a very long story but I didn't want it to drag out or anything. Please tell me what you think and if any questions, I will try and answers them if you comments them. Also leave some kudos so I know you liked it. 
> 
> Thank you for reading <3


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